SPECIAL MYSTICAL MOMENTS

If I would put all the special mystical moments in my life together, as dissimilar as they are, they would form an odd but interesting collage of poignant remembrances. I would relive them if I could, but that is quite impossible. The best I have been able to do is revisit some of the places where they occurred. For a few, I could sense something of what I had first experienced lingering on. But for many other moments, too much had changed. A part of that was most certainly me. But I still could go into my spirit and know the fullness of their importance and impact. If available, pictures help maintain the context and the connection to the inner snapshots of something more. But nothing compares to the initial feeling of the goodness, grace and gratitude that I first found, if only for a moment.

One of my more recent moments happened here on the little patch of prairie that I call home. I was finishing up some mowing late in the day the sun was soon to set. It caught my eye in a special way and I had to stop in order to enjoy the light, the colors, the warm breeze, and the appreciation of how fortunate I was. I knew this was like other moments that took me out of the ordinary and into the wonder but this time it was even more so. The subjectivity of such a moment was rather obvious. In many ways, it could have been an ordinary experience. But despite all that wanted it to be otherwise understood, my soul stirred and took into its deepest place a soothing and healing light of grace. I had nothing to say but "This is just incredible. ...Thank You."

One of my earliest moments came in such a powerful and amazing way that most don't believe me. So perhaps one from a little later is a better example. I lived on the backside of a lake on a farm that my dad's family used to live on, so the old pictures of it were always fascinating. We only had one neighbor nearby. Sometimes I could walk on the dirt roads that connected all things there without running into anyone. Oddly, that didn't last as long as I hoped. I could not have guessed all the changes to come. Where there was nothing but fields, forests and pastures, now stand many houses. It's not the same. But for a while it was just our farm and the Rexford's that mattered to me. Now that I think about it, Wynn and Winnie were perhaps a good story themselves but at the time, they were just good people. 

It was much like so many other summer days. I was on the road between our place and theirs. I had gone far enough to see their farm in full. It was then that I stopped and looked around. It was a sense of place that made me look at everything I had known so well as for the first time. I wasn't sure if some providence had placed me there at that time. Especially since I was a long way from when I actually knew the meaning of the word. But in my limited way, I knew I was living in someplace quite special and no matter what, I would always be thankful for what such an isolated place had to give. I spent a lot of time by myself in nature until girls and cars became interesting. From then on, was I spent thinking about how to put all three together. 

Oddly, my life didn't continue to have the rural context that I always thought it would. For the most of my life, I have lived mostly in the city of Denver. Please don't ask why; but special moments do happen there as well. I can't say this one was the most crucial, but it was quite definitive. My wife and I had gone on and off to various theaters almost since we moved there. It was after a point in my life when not much was making sense and I was still trying to understand my experience in Vietnam that we had tickets to see Annie at the Buell Theater downtown. They were last minute purchases, but we were able to get seats in the front that had just been made available.

For some reason, we were early and got to our seats as preparations were being completed. Before I was able to sit down, a surprising feeling came over me. I didn't expect life to be better for me and that was okay. But here I was. I could not have believed that I would ever get to see such a musical. To be at that point felt both amazing and undeserving. I knew too many who would never get to fulfill their hopes and dreams. But then a sense of "it's okay" came over me. I didn't have to understand or make sense of my life. I could enjoy a musical to the fullest knowing that I wasn't going down a dead end street, not yet at least. And besides, those who were lost, the only true heroes I knew, wouldn't want it any other way. 

I wish the special mystical moments meant that I could draw some insights or put together a few pearls of wisdom, but I can't. It took a while, but I finally was able to appreciate that I wasn't going to solve the paradoxes of life and living, not even only for myself. I know, a little slow on the uptake. But in it all, I am seen, I am helped and I have a place to be. Is that enough to believe that life should be better than it is? ...I really don't know. But someday I believe I will.